Tears.....

"A man found a magic cup that, if tears were to drop into it, those very tears turn into pearl. Though poor, he was happy and hardly had reason to cry. Ways were found to be sad, for the tears to make him rich. At the end, there he sits on a mountain of pearls weeping helplessly into the cup. Knife in hand, his wife’s slain body in his arm"

Ironic - but thats the way I relate myself to it. This might be a bit too extreme, but somewhere the search for happiness has lost direction it seems.

How many times are we going to give up something precious for something more (or less) precious? I guess its life to blame - it makes you weep - helplessly - for something that you would do to bestow sorrow upon thyself!

Takers anyone?

PARADISE LOST

After going through quite some major changes - I have realised what it feels to be like Satan - (anyways I had sold my sould long time ago)! Feeling sympathetic to oneself - despite taking pride of the fact that defiance is the key to being cast down into the depths.

Justifying the ways of men - confuses between the powers that be - is it the foresight of the Almighty or is it the Free Will of mankind?

The changes that happened in the last few days were so miniscule - yet so major an effect they had - a whole new dimension opened up and showed the scope of the possibilities. Yeah thats rather vague with no assurances - but then - life doesnt offer any itself!

For all the time I spent with the R&D, leaving the department has left a major void, causing the heart longings to go back. It may or may not be possible I know not - however optimism definitely seems to play games with me! well - I guess patience is the key. Time to see if there is actually Gods foresight. Or if God does have an ego issue? Or if free will exists.

I guess I cant do much but wait. Thanks John - but I rather guess I will have it my way. Who knows I may not have more rebirths.

The world was all before them, /They hand in hand with wandering steps and slow,/ Through Eden took their solitary way.

Devoid, Desperate, Destitute, Delusive and Dreams

Been thinking about the significance of everything that exists. The elements, individual and in their entirety, in all the states and the dimensions of time and thoughts fail to provide me a valid reason for anything. 'Je pense, donc je suis' (by Descartes) however seems to provide a few hints. Existance like pensées, have this lightning like structure where you focus - but after a moments can neither pinpoint the origin or the route. A multithreaded thought process gone haywire? Loads of orphaned threads in a random brownean process?

Whatever it might be my thoughts always have this habit of posing loads of "why's" to me all the time. And I, inturn, pass these on to the people whom I feel capable of answering these - and hence driving them up the wall. The answers - to quote Einstein "No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it". However much I try to I am not able to ascend to the level above life. This does leave me frustrated as there are no hints as to the going on to the next level and getting back. Google does not do lifes cheat codes either!

Sometimes there does come in a crazy idea, which seems to hold the promise of a portal to the other plane. To shed the inhibitions and walk through the realms. Like a holy dip at the Rakshasatal . (Absurd eh? Yeah that's me.) But then that would be a differnt story. That would be a direct cheat code to game over - god mode on. Walkthoughs leaves out the fun. I reckon the best would be if there was an option for quicksave and realod last save.

Imagine being in a torrential downpour on a remote mountainpeak, in the midst of a gale with no clothes on! thats what life does to you. the beauty is not in fighting the elements but being a part of it and enjoying them. The enlightenment as I know comes not during conflict but during peace - in a state where you are relaxed and can be 'happy' even in the worst case scenarios (from the conditioned human perspective) I believe I have had a few such opportunities and have reasons to believe there is more meaning yonder.

All that leaves me here - right now on a couch with my legs up on a coffee table - thinking about the progress made by me. Thinking about the keystrokes I am punching at right n o w . I guess its a part of life a phase everyone would go through - sooner or later. Now that I have done part of my fair share its time for me to hang up my boots (temporarily) and breathe in deep, shake the drowsiness away and get cracking at the chores at hand. Don't know when - but soon I will be back digging into the never ending stream of whys.

This is my approach - relatively different to what I have normally seen. Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like anhour. Sit with a pretty girl for an hour, and it seems like a minute.THAT'S relativity.

Au Revoir.

My Shadow too?

Again from one of my favourite writers - R.L. Stevenson. At the end of a rather breezy wintery day these lines reflect my thoughts - my recollections of the day and the very fact that there is always something new to discover. Today I discovered a part of myself.

I have a little shadow that goes in and out with me,
And what can be the use of him is more than I can see.
He is very, very like me from the heels up to the head;
And I see him jump before me, when I jump into my bed.

The funniest thing about him is the way he likes to grow--
Not at all like proper children, which is always very slow;
For he sometimes shoots up taller like an india-rubber ball,
And he sometimes goes so little that there's none of him at all.

He hasn't got a notion of how children ought to play,
And can only make a fool of me in every sort of way.
He stays so close behind me, he's a coward you can see;
I'd think shame to stick to nursie as that shadow sticks to me!

One morning, very early, before the sun was up,
I rose and found the shining dew on every buttercup;
But my lazy little shadow, like an arrant sleepy-head,
Had stayed at home behind me and was fast asleep in bed.

A special thanks is due to a couple of friends and a huge bunch of pigeons who made this day very memorable.

And by the way - the picture has nothing to do with this post. The picture is the core of one of the bonfires lit for the celebration of Guy Fawkes day which I think is very good.

:-)
Au revoir

The last 30 days (My Honeymoon)

The last 30 days have seriously been the best 30 days of my life I guess. After a few thousand miles of travelling - I feel as if as I have attained Nirvana. The things that I most desired in my life I got to see them all. The happiness in the eyes of the loved ones - enjoying the company of people who understand you - catching up on long lost friends and the pleasantly chilling weather has brought out a new me!

I do wonder if it is possible to change? Change as in changing everything? Can time be bent back so as to pluck a few moments and throw them out? I guess not - else it will cause a bad space time collision. Its not that I have regrets - its just that there is always a bit of scope for some more happiness (:again call me greedy if you like, I dont give a damn)

I met a few old friends - the kind of friends who are really friends and not just 'acquaintances'. I met them after a few years - quite a few long years. The warmth which I could immediately feel was like sunshine on your back in the tropical winter. We spent sometime together - going around places, marvelling mother nature and her wild creations, watching a bollywood movie and a couple of English classic comedies and even dared to give the reverse bungee a shot!

But the best moments were the ones when we could look at each other and know what was going on in each others minds. The expression that would tell that you are sleepy at four in the night (or early morning if you prefer that). The happy events that we shared - and pondered over where all life took us and where it would take us in the future and such - I guess there is a lot to write but words escape me.

My heartfelt thanks to all who were the cause of this happiness - and hence my realisation that time does not need to be bent back and changed. I guess I would give anything to have things the way they are right now.

Au Revoir

Oh God!!!

The Think Tank Thinking again!

This time its God! I have been questioning the availability of God for some time now. Wondering if God really existed. Does God have the right to be worshipped or prayed to? Or is it the fact that humans have deemed themselves to be the subject of Gods whims and fancys and taken the easier way out!

By "God" I am questioning all the supreme powers which are mythological and form the basis of religions. I guess I can trust only Mother Nature as a superpower and bow to her superiority over everything else (considering the fact that I do not gain anything from it either)

Some interesting stuff that I read:

In Matthew 15:22-26 we find this telling conversation:

A Canaanite woman from that vicinity came to him, crying out, "Lord, *Son of God*, have mercy on me! My daughter is suffering terribly from demon-possession." *Son of God* did not answer a word. So his disciples came to him and urged him, "Send her away, for she keeps crying out after us." He answered, "I was sent only to the lost sheep of Israel." The woman came and knelt before him. "Lord, help me!" she said. He replied, "It is not right to take the children's bread and toss it to their dogs."

RoFL - The Canaanites are not creations of God? Think? Then there must be someone else who took care of the Canaanites? So indeed there is competition for superiority amongst Gods? "

And the buggers ban Yoga!!! I do not think that any "true religion" would need to do this.

And then there is a God of another kind:

"Holy Book"4:34: Men are the maintainers of women because *God* has made some of them to excel others and because they spend out of their property; the good women are therefore obedient, guarding the unseen as *God* has guarded; and (as to) those on whose part you fear desertion, admonish them, and leave them alone in their sleeping places and beat them; then if they obey you, do not seek a way against them; surely *God* is High, Great.

OK I seriously can't laugh at this one - it sounds real sick - but I do laugh at the morons who think being a paedophile is great! And that you get 72 virgins in Paradise. And my foot if my religious leader slept with a 9 yr kid! and surely sleeping does not mean Zzzzz.......

And then today there were huge protests everywhere! A government was planning to develop a waterway cutting short the sailing by 800 KMs or nearly 40 Hours. Who the hell wants to save time/energy or care about economic development! This would mean destroying the non-existing *setu* or bridge that one of the mythological God and his monkey army had created. Needless to say that a pregnant'woman had to give birth to a baby on the streets due to the protests but the waterway should not be developed! C'mon grow up Jackasses.

And then there was a religious person(he was not is) who was disgraced by some joker who decided it would be a novel idea to dress similarly and feed people or some stuff like that. That caused a huge furore, nearly toppled a government and caused riots. I thought religious gurus could only be praised and were above degradation. If your God or Religious leader is insulted by mortals then I must say that he/she is not worth it!

Its time we humans grew up - matured and started looking forward to living life to the full rather than living for the sake of the so called God! If god was really so great then he would not demand being prayed to - or that we should live upto his expectations. He definitely would be powerful enough to offer everyone their freedom.

The way to change the world is to change people's minds. As more and more people openly discuss the fact that "Allah", "Jesus", and all other "God(s)" are completely imaginary, the world becomes a better place. The people who believe in "religion" look sillier and sillier. Eventually, religion becomes a fringe activity that is meaningless.

This is what I believe in. And its your call if you want to be a slave to some fictitious character for no apparent reason.

Au Revoir

Pondering over my life

Now that I have been thinking about my life for a long long time (I am great at thinking but bad at implementing) I am wondering as to where my life is leading me to.

I can't reason why but my life seems to be a replica of Robert Frost's great work:-

The Road Not Taken

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood,
and I— I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

Pondering over my life seems to point to the very similarities between my life and the verses above. Maybe I am mistaken after all everyone has to choose a road and I have made my decision too. But I seriously wonder if it was wrong? After all well trodden roads mean more people at the destination which in-turn would mean that I would find acquaintances at the destination?

But then somehow the unknown is what beckons me. And not subtly. I am not looking for acquaintances (you find them a dozen a dime and more often compulsorily free and thrust upon you). Camaraderie is what I am looking for. Not the kind that's built over time. I am talking in terms of the one built on experiences, ideas, and commitments. Commitments to the ideas, values and objectives. I am one of those who bond better with certain people who I meet for just five minutes than folks I have known for years!

Its been a long time since I have been going on this road - with no intentions of going back. After all I cant back on my own hearts call? However it would not be wrong to say that my grey cells do sometimes pass on the signals which falters my drive. However my conviction has always succeeded to draw me back.

Coming back from the realms of thought, it was Independence Day today and caused me to think a lot. And I decided that it was time enough to attend this call. Seemed like a good idea to use the Independence day for some social indulgence. ;-)

Going back to the travel of my life - there is something that bugs me. Same as Frost's last few lines:-

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference

Why the sigh? Is it a sigh of regret or a pleasurable one? I guess I wont know till I reach my destination. But when I do, rest assured, I will not reveal the nature of the sigh. Its for you to find out.

I dare you to.!!!

Au Revoir